A Fistful of Frustrations

[Jaiks]

Jaiks returned to her small bunk area; really it was no more than a cleared section of one of the main cargo holds, just crates and plasteel boarding used to divide out some bit of privacy on a ship too small for the amount of people it carried these days.

Her left arm pressed tight to her body and her lips pulled down in a scowl. She carried the holocron with her, but there was frustration in the grip that held it. She set it atop the short crate she used to keep her belongings in and then dropped tiredly onto the mattress.

Shoulders rising and falling with the adrenaline of her fear and anger, she glanced to the belt she wore and the lightsaber clipped to it. In the pouch on her left, the spare hilt that she had been training with so as to learn how to wield two of the blades at once. As frustration overwhelmed her, she reached for the empty hilt tucked in the pouch and threw it across the room. A small black pouch made its exit with the violent upheaval of ancient parts; the velveteen bag that had been used to carry the red crystal now lost to the Sarlaac Pit.

"What good is that now!? Damnit. I can hardly use just ONE of them now... all the grips use two hands at some point!"

[Xiann]

Jaiks paced angrily. Back and forth. Forth and back. She had crossed her bunk a dozen times before she noticed that the holocron was pulsing with a carmine light. It was a fast pulse, carrying a rhythm not unlike a heartbeat. Her heartbeat.

[Jaiks]

Jaiks paused, turning to look at the cube. Her eyes narrowed for a long moment before she stepped toward it and grabbed it up in her right hand.

"What's wrong with this thing now?"

[Xiann]

The pulsing stopped. The glow became steady and consistent. The holocron grew warm in her hand. Not uncomfortably so, but a soothing blood-heat.

Have you forgotten me already, child? Have you forgotten the lesson I taught to you? It is for moments like this that I sought to give you strength.

There was a shimmer in the air in front of Jaiks. The vermillion light coalesced into a form she hadn't see for some time.

Xiann'kairn

[Jaiks]

That brought a sharp intake of breath to the young woman. She stared at the figure and tilted her head, lips tight.

"I remember you."

There was a pause as if she were going to say more, but she remains silent and, for the moment, wary.

[Xiann]

Xiann smiled, broadly and brightly.

And now you have been brought into focus. Your anger and frustration brought to a laser point.

She cocked her head and folded her hands behind her back.

Would you like to speak of it? I am here to listen and guide you. You will always be my student. And my students are my children.

[Jaiks]

The words escaped her faster than she'd have liked.

"What am I going to do with this!?" she exclaimed as she lifted the stub of an arm; everything from just above the elbow missing from the young woman.

"It wasn't even a fight. It was a damn explosion. I've been training so hard! Working to be a really impressive warrior- someone that can go toe to toe with that Darth Cestis, or that Inquisitor that's after us. Now I can't even lace a boot! It's pointless. All of this is pointless! I don't even know why we were there. To find more answers? All we ever get are more questions!"

[Xiann]

That is an excellent question. What are you going to do?

Xiann began pacing back and forth. Forth and back. Jaiks couldn't help but noticing that she moved like a jungle cat.

Are you going to give up? Are you going to weep at the unfairness of it all? Cry and collapse on the floor?

She stopped in the middle of the room, standing square in front of Jaiks.

No. That is not you. That is not your nature. What is any wound? What is pain? It is fuel. It is power. The loss of one arm means your other one is now twice as strong. THAT is the Force in you. That is your POWER!

[Jaiks]

"No, it's not me... but this is different.  I've never lost...  lost half of what makes me, me!   My fists are what kept me from being pushed around on Nar Shaddaa.    Now ..."

Her jaw clenched as she thought about it, words fading to silence.    Her right hand drew into a tighter fist, knuckles flashing white from the pressure.

"I'm not typically the one that gets wounded!" Her head tips back as she finds herself overwhelmed.   "I'm at a disadvantage now!  A serious one!   I swore to myself, I'd never be the one that got pushed around..."  

Her other hand takes a swipe at some of the trinkets on the nearest chest, sending them flying.

[Xiann]

Xiann's eyes flashed with a fiery intensity.

Good! You must know what your feelings are before you can use them. Fear and anger are only weaknesses if you choose them to be.

Xiann's hand flicked to point at the broken trinkets from Jaiks' sweeping hand.

Look at the truth before you. Your power is not in having the strongest hands or the thickest skin. It is your drive! Your intensity! Your heat!

She brought both arms up to take in all of Jaiks.

You, Kana Drayson, are the source of your power! You are not an accessory carried on a mother's hip. You are not a frightened child out of control of her destiny. You are a warrior! Your destiny belongs to YOU!

[Jaiks]

There'd been hesitation at first from Jaiks, but as the Twi'lek calls her by her given name, there is a sharp look thrown to the image- one fueled by a dangerous intensity.

"I remember my mother- she was controlled by everyone. I won't end up like her. I don't let anyone... or anything dictate the terms of my life to me. I never have... never will."

There's a pause after that, emotions coming down from their boiling point, but simmering uncertain beneath the surface.

"How did you know that name?"

[Xiann]

It is there to be seen in the Force. A child, neglected and ignored. Carried on the hip and always the statement, "She's Jaik's."

Jaiks could hear the possessive in Xiann's voice.

You thought you had no choice. You have accepted the label given to you by another. But your name calls out to be spoken. You have the power to break those chains. That choice is yours.

[Jaiks]

"I don't understand," comes Jaiks frustrated reply. "Maybe you don't see it all as well as you think you do. My mother was owned and employed by another till the day she died. My father got me out of there, and from the first day at his side, I was able to make my own choices. It was on his turf that I earned my name."

With emphasis and a clenched hand at her side, she speaks it. "Jaiks." She looks back at the woman with seriousness. "And for the record. I chose it."

[Sponsored content]